A happy marriage between newly sanded and oiled floorboards and loudspeaker spikes?
What's the best option for protecting the nice floor from the nasty spikes?
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He'll end up using some stale hob-nobs or something. No, wait...
Sliced carrot?
The Queens' head on the copper pennies must be pointing East in the morning and follow the sun around due west in late afternoon if you want the speakers to sound illuminated. They could sound dull otherwise. Oxygen Free mono-crystal copper pennies work best, manufactured from 5N sheet copper rolled on a virgin's thigh before cryo freezing and annealing. (That rules out having them made in Dursley...). To improve performance even further, you need the "negativity Ion removal treatment".
That sheet is then formed around the head (and sometimes chest) of a virgin before final shaping to bespoke measurements. It is guaranteed to removed 99.9999% of negativity (this is sometimes referred to as 6N antinegative sgrain structure) from 5N OFC copper.
The final sheets are called 5NOFC6NANC
They are not cheap but 9 out of 10 cats said they received a higher electric shock when standing on these (wired to the mains) than any other copper in the trials. These trials have, as a by-product, helped both the UK bird population and Chinese takeaway industry in one fell swoop as well as lowering patient dependence on drugs. It has also increased demand for virgins helping moral standards across the country.
What's not to like?